I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
