Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
