i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
