apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do vagina's smell?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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