Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
