Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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