Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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