would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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