My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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