The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
