there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
