are you still at the devil's house?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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