Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
