some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
