As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
