She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
