Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
