Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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