Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
