it was like his penis was on wheels.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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