You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
