my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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