no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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