the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
