We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm like, not good at living.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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