Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
