why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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