Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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