his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Life is so much better after having sex.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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