oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
