and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
