fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My life is pants optional.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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