4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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