you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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