I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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