I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
