I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
