Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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