he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And then he peed in my hair
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
