He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
