"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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