Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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