I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
