I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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