And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
