She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
