While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
