I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
