So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
