Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
